nut hugger
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
