he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
