I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize