Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
