My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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