Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
