Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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