I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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