I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
