yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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