You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I pour the whiskey from now on
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
