I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
