woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
