Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
