I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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