it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
