i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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