i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize