As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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