some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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