god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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