I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Randomize
