she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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