Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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