My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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