she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
