I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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