A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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