He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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