So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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