you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm bleeding and have questions
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
