Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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