I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
