SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
