it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
