He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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