It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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