you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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