I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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