3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
