dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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