then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize