I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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