im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
