I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
