my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize