He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Come share oat with me in your robe
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
