Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Randomize
