ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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