I think im going to throw up on grandma
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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