Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
