just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
