Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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