Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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