So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
