We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
