You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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