Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
