THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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