Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
