and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
this hospital has no fireball
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
