Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
