My liver just broke up with me...
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
