He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
