I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
