Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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