Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
