My Higher Power is John Stamos
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
she told me i tasted like america
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
