they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
