They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
