If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
