Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
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