I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize