one might say we're banned from that church
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
