why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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